The Fallout of Dirty Monopoly Tactics

The crew; Andy, Caitlin, Rachel, and I, organised a get together back before Christmas. It was to meet Rach’s new boyfriend. Now I’m not a big one for meeting the new boyfriends in the group. Apparently, I come off a tad protective and I’ve made one or two enemies in the past. Fortunately, Rach promised a home cooked dinner and I had a fair amount of fear I’d miss out, so I went along.

Andy and I rode round to the house, in Forest Row in Sussex. Forest Row is quaint and pretty, but I’d only ever go there to see Rach. It’s not exactly Brighton town on a student night. So, I met Nyasha, Rachel’s new guy, and he was a quality bloke. We got chatting about rugby and mutual acquaintances from Southampton. All in all, dinner went past and the whole group got on like a house on fire.

Then Caitlin and Rachel, seemingly in unison, uttered four words that would put group friendships on ice for a few weeks, “shall we play monopoly?”

I was a tad reticent, unwilling to commit to what I knew would be a disaster. I’m incredibly competitive and board games do not show off my good side. Caitlin, however, was totally insistent and we ended up pulling out the board.

Rachel, Caitlin, and Nyasha all decided to stand alone as players. The scotty dog, the iron, and the top hat. Andy and I though; we’re team players. We took the battleship. The game was going pretty well, and team battleship had accrued a fair amount of property, but we weren’t cash rich. On the other hand, Nyasha, Mr Top Hat himself, didn’t have much property but did have a lot of dough.

Somehow, the battleship managed to land on just about his only property and drained our remaining cash reserves. Rach decided to make a deal with us. She’d cover our bill in exchange for a property. Fortunately, Andy was the banker and, whilst Rachel and I deliberated over terms, he sneakily mortgaged the property in question. Rachel bought the property and realised she’d have to bankrupt herself to use it.

Rachel blew a gasket when she realised and went into a huge sulk. It was only made that much worse when Andy and I landed on one of her properties, but she didn’t notice until we moved off it and burst out laughing. Rach, with a face like thunder, decided to buy a property off Caitlin she thought we needed and, paying over the odds to stop us completing a set, made the deal. Upon the realisation she had confused orange with red, and thus brought the wrong property, Rachel went up another notch.

Andy and I finally compounded her rage when we made a deal with Nyasha. We teamed up our capital with his property and cleared up the board after that. Caitlin was obliterated near instantly on Oxford Street and then Rach, a business magnate until fairly recently, was finally toppled. Her last stand on Mayfair was the final nail in the coffin.

Rach didn’t text us back for a few weeks and I think Andy, Nyasha, and I would all tell you that Monopoly is the perfect way to get the cold shoulder if you’re that way inclined.